fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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