TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
