Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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