I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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