I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
