i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
