Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
