It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
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Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
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We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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