i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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