I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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