OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
