Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
