somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So here I am, sexting at work.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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