I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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