I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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