oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
