he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
