I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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