at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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