I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
