we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
