You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
