i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
