dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize