I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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