I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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