you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
