thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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