Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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