Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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