oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
