I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize