420 ftw
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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