Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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