Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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