The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
