dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
