i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
