He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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