how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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