How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
