you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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