I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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