and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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