my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
