Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
