and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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