ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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