yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
