i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
