and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
