So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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