Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
