Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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