Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
