we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
