do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
