that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize