I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
