We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
