She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
