I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
