I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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