Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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