Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
