im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
