What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
