Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize