Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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