based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
