Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
