So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
