lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
