Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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