filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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