I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The best revenge is premature balding
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
