Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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