They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
