so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
