moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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