I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
